Looking for a Worthy Adversary
(an extreme sestina variation)
Janet Kuypers
(original written 1987, edited for 3/13/12 performance 3/12/13)
I’ve been looking for a worthy adversary
someone I can lock horns with —
though my life makes more sense when I’m alone
it’s not nearly as interesting
alone, it’s not nearly as intreesting,
so I look for a worthy adversary
someone I can battle to the death with
because it can’t be about love, you see
love can’t exist on the terms I demand
it’s never that pure
what I demand is never that pure,
as I’m looking for a worthy adversary
I slither up to you like a snake
and I tempt you with a golden apple
I tempt you with that golden apple
but all I’m offering you
is fruit from the tree of knowledge
this snake gives you the tree of knowledge
because all this time I’ve been playing a part
an actress on stage, spouting lines on cue
but that role was tiresome,
those lights came on night after night
and I still had to play my part
I played my part
until my night off, where I saw your show
your protagonist was doing what I was doing
right down to faking it with those who don’t matter
right down to going home and still feeling empty
I play my part, I still feel empty
but I liked to see your boiling underneath
no one else could see
I know what that emotion really means
when I know what that emotion really means
I wonder if we can get together
and write our own play
if we wrote our own play,
it would be a masterful performance
curtains would close,
we’d hold each other’s hands
as we leave the stage
and the audience would know there’s a happy ending
when I know there’s a happy ending
I walk out on to the set
and there you stand, in front, stage left
I wait for my cue to make my move
none of the rest of the scene matters
if the rest of the scene doesn’t really matter,
I wonder if the audience would see what we have...
maybe they’d like our little play,
maybe they wouldn’t
who really cares
who really cares
because after I tempted you
you now tempt me and tease me and torment me
and tell me everything I was afraid to believe
I was afraid to believe
and now you talk,
you reach your hand into my brain
and pull out my thoughts
and shove them into your mouth
and spit them back at me
you spit my thoughts back at me again
and instead of filling me with terror
it fills me with joy
it fills me with joy
because I thought I’d lock horns
with that worthy adversary —
but now every day is like Valentine’s Day,
it’s like candy and flowers and springtime
and hearts and cupids and sunshine
and these cliches are beginning to make sense
no longer locking horns,
and everything making sense,
I stand here like a statue
after the performance of our lifetime
and wait for the reviews
as I wait for the reviews
I wonder what they’ll say
though none of it matters
none of it matters
because I know what you are going to say
it’s everything that I’ve always wanted to say
all I ever wanted to say
is now you, taking my thoughts again
and shoving them into your mouth again
and spitting them back at me again
so I will wait for you to come on stage again
where we have our happy ending
and you tell me what I already know
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