Dreams 01/28/07 (seeing mom)
This is the strangest thing, I remember it vividly
and I don’t like to think this way
and I don’t want these things coming through in my dreams
I’m going to see my father in Florida in a few weeks,
and in my dream
it was shortly before I was going to Florida to see my father
when my sister called
to tell me that she just found a great price
for airplane tickets to Florida,
so she was going to meet me there for a day or two
and I told her it’s funny, I just heard
that Aunt Sally was going to visit there too
and I didn’t think much of Aunt Sally telling me this
even though I don’t even think she has my phone number
and I never see her
and besides, I didn’t question
why my dead mother’s sister
was going to meet us at my dad’s house
###
but the next thing I know
is that I’m in Florida
and I think everyone else was there too
and there was music coming out of my dad’s house
and I think here might have been a table in the driveway for snacks
and people were meeting around our house,
like we were hosting an outdoor party
this hurts me so much to write this now
but mom was there,
alive
she was sitting in a chair
kind of like how she’d sit in the driveway in a chair
for fifteen minutes to get some sun
I used to sit out in the driveway with her like that
but she was there, sitting in a chair
probably because the chemo made he so tired
that when she had leukemia
she didn’t want to stand up
well, she was there, and people were mingling
and every once in a while someone would talk to her
but you know, it wasn’t like everyone was amazed
that she was alive, sitting there
this was just a party
and no one seemed to say anything about mom
and I was there for a few minutes
and I saw at one point that she was sitting alone
so I walked over to her
and you know, it reminded me of when we saw my mom
when she first found out she had breast cancer
and the sisters were with dad in the front of the house
figuring out where everyone could sleep
when I went to mom and get serious
and asked her how she was really doing
and that’s when she cried
and said she also has cervical cancer
and she’s about to have surgery
for a radical hysterectomy
well you know, this moment reminded me
of when I got serious
and asked her how she was really doing
and I couldn’t bear to ask her
why she was there
or how she was alive
I know how anything would make my mom cry
and I didn’t want to do that to her
so I finally walked over to her
she looked up at me
all I could say was
“I love you”
and mom sounded like she was just about to cry
and she said,
“oh, don’t—”
and that’s when I woke up.
Copyright Janet Kuypers.
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may be reprinted without express permission.
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