[the Writing of Kuypers]    [JanetKuypers.com]    [Bio]    [Poems]    [Prose]

Order this iTunes track: from the Chaotic Collection ...Or order the entire 5 CD set from iTunes: CD:

Watch this YouTube video from Death Comes In Threes, live 03/18/03 in Chicago

Watch half of the show video from Death Comes In Threes, with this writing, via the Internet Archive (31:34)

Listen to the CD recording of this piece used with the performance art show Death Comes in Threes 03/18/03

Order this iTunes track: from Chaots in Motion (a 6 CD set)...Or order the entire CD set from iTunes or Napster CD: CD:

Listen to the CD recording of this, from the CD Change/Rearrange

Listen to this from the CD release from the first performance art show (08/14/97) Seeing Things Differently

Order this iTunes track from the poetry audio CD Hope Chest In The Attic 13 Years of Poetry & Prose ...Or order the entire CD set from iTunes:

Listen: (3:15) to this recording from Fusion

Watch the YouTube video of Kuypers reading this poem at the open mike 3/28/12 at Gallery Cabaret’s the Café Gallery in Chicago (w/ music from the HA!man of South Africa, mixed into their CD Burn Through Me)

Watch the YouTube video of Kuypers’ intro to the open mike 2/15/12 at Gallery Cabaret’s the Café Gallery in Chicago, plus her poem “Medication” (w/ music from the HA!man of South Africa)

See YouTube video of Kuypers reading this poem 2/13/13 at the Café Gallery in Chicago (from the Canon camera)

See YouTube video of Kuypers reading this poem 2/13/13 at the Café Gallery in Chicago (from the Sony camera)

See YouTube video of Kuypers performing poetry including this poem in a last-minute mini-features @ the open mic 2/13/13 at Gallery Cabaret’s the Café Gallery in Chicago (C)

See YouTube video of Kuypers performing poetry including this poem in a last-minute mini-features @ the open mic 2/13/13 at Gallery Cabaret’s the Café Gallery in Chicago (S)

See YouTube video of 4 mini-features @ the open mic 2/13/13 at Gallery Cabaret’s the Café Gallery in Chicago, where Janet Kuypers reads this poem in a “last minute” mini-feature

See YouTube video 1/8/16 of Janet Kuypers reading her poem Medication from her book Hope Chest in the Attic live at the open mic Poetry Plus at Cianfrani’s in Austin (filmed from a Canon Power Shot camera)

See YouTube video 1/8/16 of Janet Kuypers reading her poem Medication from her book Hope Chest in the Attic live at the open mic Poetry Plus at Cianfrani’s in Austin (filmed from a Nikon CoolPix S7000 camera)

medication I I set my alarm for 4:30 instead of 5:30 so I could roll over, take a pill, and fall back asleep. I’d leave two pills on the night stand with a glass of water every night. I could feel the pain in my leg, my hand, when I reached over to take the drugs. I’d feel it in my back, too. And sometimes in my shoulder. The water always tasted warm and dusty. It hurt to hold the pills in my right hand. I closed my eyes at 4:32. I hated that damn alarm clock. And taking the pills early still wouldn’t make the pain go away before I woke up. I knew that. But I took them anyway. And I tried to fall back asleep. And I dreaded 5:30, when I’d have to move. 5:40, I couldn’t wait any longer, I couldn’t be late, we couldn’t have that, so I’d finally swing my legs to the floor. I’d put on my robe and limp into the kitchen. The trip to the kitchen lasted for hours. And picking up the milk carton from the refrigerator hurt like hell. This wasn’t supposed to be happening, not to me. Just pour the damn milk. I’d wipe the tears from my chin and sit down for breakfast. II The doctor doubled the dosage, and he was amazed that I needed this much. He told me to follow the directions strictly, STRICTLY. “You can’t take these in the morning the way you have been,” he’d say. “You have to take them with food.” That doesn’t help when I’m crying from the pain in the morning. But I could get an ulcer, he’d say. And I wouldn’t want that. Of course not. I just wanted the pain to go away. Take one tablet three times daily, with meals. Do not drink alcohol while on medication. Take with food or milk. Do not skip medication. Do not take aspirin while using this product. Do not operate heavy machinery. May cause ulcers. III All I had to do was get through the mornings. The mornings were the hardest part. Just take a little more pain, and by the afternoon it will all be fine. Just fine. An hour after the pills, and I’d start to feel dizzy. I’d stare at a computer screen and it would move, in circles, back and forth. I wanted to grab the screen and make it stay in place. But I’d look at my fingers and they would go in and out of focus. I’d feel my head rocking forward and backward; I couldn’t hold myself still. I’d sit at my desk and my eyes would open and close, open and close. Before I knew it, ten minutes passed and I remembered nothing. I could have been screaming for ten minutes straight and I wouldn’t have known it. Or crying. Or sleeping. Or laughing. Or dying. I had just lost ten minutes of my life, they were just taken away from me, ripped away from me, and I could never get them back. And I could still feel traces of the pain, lingering in my bones. IV I’d sit up at night and just stare at the bottle. It was a big bottle, as if the doctors knew I’d take these drugs forever. Hadn’t it been forever already? I’d open a bottle, look at a pill. They looked big too. Pink and white. What pretty colors. And then I’d think: If one tablet, fifty milligrams, could put me to sleep in the morning, could make me dizzy, could take a part of my life from me, then think about what the other thirty-six could do. 1800 milligrams. It could kill me. I wouldn’t want that. Of course not. But just think, the bottle isn’t even full. May cause ulcers. May cause dizziness. Side effects may vary for each patient. May cause weight gain. May cause weight loss. May cause drowsiness. May cause irritability. Medication may have to be taken consistently for weeks before expected results. If effects become severe, consult physician immediately. V I began to count. In the mornings I took eight pills: one multivitamin, one calcium pill, one niacin pill, one fish oil capsule, one garlic oil pill, and one pink-and-white pain killer that I was special to have, because you need a doctor’s permission to take those. Then I took diet pills: one starch blocker, one that was called a “fat magnet.” As if the diet pills worked anyway. But I still took them. And then I had to watch the clock, take a pink-and-white at one in the afternoon, a different pill at five o’clock, another pink-and-white at six o’clock, and there was also usually sinus medication that I had to take every six hours in there, too. Or was it eight hours? I started to watch the clock all the time, I bought a pill container for my purse so that I would always have my medication with me. When I’d feel my body start to ache again, I’d look at the clock. It would be fifteen minutes before I had to take another pill. Copyright Janet Kuypers. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted without express permission.