[the Writing of Kuypers]
I could catalog these events for you,
I know how my mother kept dental records for me
it’s like that, I guess
my first marriage was one that I needed.
I don’t know why I went through
okay, okay, by third marriage. it seems
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[JanetKuypers.com][Bio][Poems][Prose]
my second marriage
I keep records like a scrapbook would
when I was an infant
and I know how she kept a file
of all the shots I had, too
a scrapbook, or a photo album
and I could do that for my marriages
but hindsight is twenty twenty,
and maybe I needed a counselor
more than I needed a husband.
Forgive me. I was new
at this attachment thing
and this committment thing
(but I know I got it right when I tried)
but maybe it was my fault
that I picked a guy
that I just wasn’t compatible with.
he was a great guy, don’t get me wrong,
and he wanted to learn from me,
and I think he kept me on my toes.
but I think he knew it wouldn’t work out for us,
and so he just waited
until I came to that comclusion too.
my second marriage.
people think I was crazy for putting up with him,
for tolerating him, for including him,
and I didn’t care, because in my own little way,
he was mine. it was a role reversal for me,
I was used to being the weak one
in a marriage,
but this time, well, this time
I learned my lesson.
I decided when we went out of town,
how much money we would spend,
what bars we would go to,
I think it all boiled down to
me deciding how much fun we would ever have.
And he followed me,
like a puppy dog
who has just found his best friend,
and his tounge would hang out with excitment
when he could roll down the window of the car
and we could just take off.
I think my problem
is that I wanted this marriage to work,
but my puppy dog only
accepted scraps from under my dinner table
and never offered anything in return
and I swear,
I wanted something to work,
I wanted this to work out for me,
and it still pisses me off
in the back of my head
that he wouldn’t think the way I wanted him to
and everything didn’t just
fall into place.
a bit more stable. I think he is a gut
that balances out the two men
from my first two marriages.
and that kind of scares me.
it makes me wonder
if there is some woman out there
who doesn’t have my pot belly
and has a lot more patience
than me. Makes me wonder.
Copyright © 2006 Janet Kuypers.
Chicago Poet Janet Kuypers
on all art and all writings on this site completed
before 6/6/04. All rights reserved. No material
may be reprinted without express permission.
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